I'm born just to love you 6

[gavudham]

Shiva woke up in the early hours of the dawn. He gazed at Anita’s face as she lay sleeping. To him, her face looked like a rose bathed in the first rays of the rising sun, gaining an extra touch of ethereal beauty as the light broke. He ran his fingers through her hair. In her sleep, she smiled, and his heart blossomed.
Rising early was Shiva's ritual. At home, he would bathe and finish his darshan of Varadaraja Perumal first thing in the morning. Only after drinking a coffee from the Indian Coffee House at the Theradi (temple chariot base) would the day truly begin for him. If he were at the Ekambaranathar temple, he would never miss a coffee at Rama's.
Kanchipuram lingered in Shiva’s memory. Having never really lied to his parents before, the fact that he had come here on a lie gnawed at him. Though his father had agreed immediately, his mother, Alamelu, had showered him with advice. Shiva understood it was her love.
"It’s a new place, Shiva. Watch out, son. Be careful, be safe."
He felt a swell of pride thinking of her. Back home, whenever she gave advice, he would brush it off with a casual "Okay, Ma, okay," but only now, away from her, did he realize that his parents were an inseparable part of his life.
Where can I get coffee here?
Should I go out?
Where would I go?
He checked the time. Four o’clock. Who would have a tea stall open now? Was there even a tea stall nearby? How could he leave Anita alone and go?
No.
He sat down, facing a direction he mentally chose. He closed his eyes and practiced Pranayama. Then, he walked out to the balcony. For some reason, he felt a sense of anxiety. He searched his mind for the cause but couldn't pinpoint a specific reason.
The mind is always like this. No one knows when it will rejoice, when it will soften, when it will grieve, or when it will be enchanted. No one can say what triggers its joy or its sorrow.
For a moment, Shiva let his mind go free.
Go. Go wherever you want. Do whatever you feel like doing. Come back whenever you feel like it.
As his mind wandered off excitedly, Shiva felt a lightness. But it didn't last. Soon, his mind returned to him, stared him in the face, and questioned:
"Who are you?"
"Shiva."
"That is your name."
"A human."
"What else?"
"A life."
"And?"
"A son."
"More?"
"A friend?"
"More? More? Look at her sleeping there—who are you to her?"
"A friend."
"Aren't you ashamed?"
"Yes, I am."
"A husband?"
"I wish to be."
"But you aren't yet, are you?"
"No."
"Then who are you right now?"
"Now?"
"Tell me."
"I don’t know."
"Say that you don’t want to know."
"It's not like that."
"It is exactly like that. Let it be. Anything that cannot be defined within a boundary is wrong. Don’t you know that?"
"I know."
"Knowing that, what are you doing?"
"One cannot live life by a rulebook."
"But it is not graceful for a human to cross the bounds of morality."
"Fine."
"What 'fine'?"
"I won't cross those bounds."
"We’ll see about that."
"We certainly will."
Shiva closed his eyes. A gentle breeze blew.
Anita woke up at seven. She was surprised to see Shiva already bathed and ready.
"Shiva?"
"Hmm?"
"Where are you getting ready to go?"
"Nowhere special."
"Then why did you bathe so early?"
"It’s my habit to bathe early and go to a temple."
"That's awesome, Shiva," Anita said. Shiva smiled.
"Can we get coffee anywhere here, Anita? Shall I go and get some in the flask?"
"Yes, if you go straight and turn left, there's Hotel Green Park."
Shiva took the flask and stepped out.
Anita got up. In the bathroom, she saw Shiva’s T-shirt. She remembered him hugging her while wearing it the previous night and smiled to herself. She gently touched the fabric.
Am I losing control of myself? I shouldn't. Only after this month ends will I decide if I want him or not.
What reason could there be to say no to him?
Often, a man behaves gently with a woman for only one reason: sex. Many marriages end in failure and divorce either because of sex, or because once sex is over, the man reveals his true nature, which the woman finds unbearable.
A woman is truly blessed if she finds a man who doesn't lose his attraction or his affection for her even after they have been intimate.
Will Shiva be like that for me? If he is, I am blessed. If not? Then we must part ways.
"Don't fall in love with Shiva in a hurry. You'll regret it later," her conscience warned.
Despite the warning, Anita looked at Shiva's T-shirt with affection. She realized that sometimes, intellectualizing everything only blocks natural happiness.
By the time she finished her bath and stepped out like a fresh flower, Shiva had returned with the coffee.
"Cute," Shiva said, and she beamed.
"Anita, where should we go today?"
"To the temple."
Shiva smiled. "Which one?"
"Vadakkunnathan. It's right at the Round."
"Okay."
"It's a Shiva temple. Over a thousand years old. Do you know Adi Shankara?"
"Yes, I do."
"The legend says his mother prayed at this temple, and that's how Adi Shankara was born."
"Superb."
"There's a belief that if a couple prays here for the first time after marriage, they will be blessed with a good child," Anita said.
Shiva grew enthusiastic. "You've selected a great temple."
"Why, Shiva?"
"Because Lord Shiva will do good for us too, right?" Shiva smiled mischievously, and Anita looked at him, her heart opening up.
They drove to the temple. After parking, they entered the Vadakkunnathan temple—which has entrances on all four sides—through the eastern gate. They walked around the inner sanctum and offered their prayers.
As they tried to exit, a man with matted hair blocked their path. He looked at Shiva and asked in Malayalam:
"Evide?" (Where from?)
"I don't understand," Shiva said.
Anita asked in Malayalam, "What is it, Swami?"
"Ee sthalam vittu pettannu maaru. Allengil..." (Leave this place immediately. Or else...)
"Or else?"
"Abakadam... abakadam... abakadam!" (Danger... danger... danger!)
He repeated it thrice and walked past them. Anita stood there, frozen in shock.

To be continued